The Final Frontier

Summary: On April 3, 2010 we lost everything to a
fire. No one was hurt. Today, my 4yr old son and I are living in a hotel waiting for placement in a
shelter.



This is it. The final frontier. All of my burnt/wet

things have been removed and placed in a

demolition dumpster.

Here's a pix of an average demolition dumpster...

This is really it. The final frontier. Everything will really really be gone...for real.

Part of me does not want to go. The other part wants to know...'Did the papers in the fire proof filing cabinet get wet?'....'what about my suitcase of photos. Is it possible that there is a dry photo...did the suitcase burn?...the suitcase was on the ceiling of my closet...could it have escaped the flames and the water?..it was an old fashioned hard suitcase...'

My mom says I should just go and look. That way I'm not wondering 'what if I could have salvaged...'

This has got to be the next-to-the-last-to-the worst part. I'm crying as I write this. Good thing tears tickle.

It will be a relief when the dumpster is gone. There won't be anything for me to go and get. Then I will finally be able to really begin closing this chapter...completing the pain. There will always be a sore spot or a scar I'm sure.

Reality is slowly seeping in to my consciousness. Its easy to be blind to reality when living in a hotel in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Speaking of reality...

http://www.realitysandwich.com/

The main things I want to look for are two filing cabinets (poems, lyrics, artwork), my clarinet case & clarinet, and 2 hard suitcases (photos). If they are gone I can accept that. I wont know until I look.

I still have a vision of my room the way I left it that day. I remember the exact place where everything was...their colors and dimensions...

The worst part for me would be seeing the things I could not salvage.

My bad memory has finally become a blessing.

My mind is flooded with images of things lost...

Amma's hair brush with her hair in it (including one grey hair)...

http://www.amritapuri.org/8755/2010-kochi

My dad's U.S army shirt...his last an only one...with 'Pryce' on the left breast...

Roller skates, roller blades, snorkeling fins with goggles and all, ski helmet & goggles for me & Andrew...

Andrew had an adorable little Zebra covering for his ski helmet...given to him by my friend Laurie...it had a tail and a cute Zebra mohawk...

I had a solid oak cabinet...I didn't even see any remains from that...

My black boots...

...baby pictures I took out of my parents photo albums...

My cheer leader uniform from college (basketball)...

Severyn's handmade shirts...


http://www.severyn.com/

Shay's handmade shirts(AKA Daya)...

http://www.blacksheephybrid.com/

...IBM think pad...(it looked like a cardboard cut out of a laptop when the fire men through it out of my window)

...an office chair I got from the French Institute when I worked there...(saw that fly out of my window too)

Saris...

A Hagen daz liquor smoked mirror my uncle gave me from a bar he use to own in (California?)...

...Chalk board from Yabby's which was demolished to make way for a condo...I toured Brooklyn playing billiards with them when I was in the APA...

http://www.poolplayers.com/

...Green Choir Robe...


A leather saddle bag from Mexico with the Mayan calendar carved into it that I got from a Brooklyn bodega in that is no longer there...

...passport, social security card, my original birth certificate with my parents birth dates and birth places on it (the new certificates don't have parents birth dates or places)...

Andrews original birth certificate & shot record...

Two sleeping bags...(Andrew and I love camping. The best thing about camping is that you get to go home afterwards.)

Andrews hair from his first hair cut...

...tap shoes (a pair of flat, heeled & extra taps), ballet shoes, jazz shoes...

...did I mention shoes? (Pisces rule the feet).

This list is just a healing exercise for me...I know there are many things I can replace...not sure if I will want to. I've already gotten some of the paperwork. As I said in a previous blog...the week following the fire I was running around from one government agency to another requesting paperwork...

Well it worked. I finally stopped crying. What was that...40 minutes? Cool. Moving on...

It seems many people cannot fathom the word 'everything'(or maybe they think I'm exagerrating). I've had countless conversations where someone asks 'what about....' and I say ' I lost everything except what I got out that day and what I had on my back'.

What I got out that day is like a grocery list from hell...Andrews bicycle, gallon of apple juice, fire fans, bag of dirty blankets and comforters, tweezers, toothpaste, makeup, silver box, one photograph that blew onto the sidewalk, yellow plastic toy dump truck from under the bathroom sink...en fin/the end/that's it.

There was a plastic dinosaur that I salvaged that I found outside...cleaned it with a toothbrush, I wanted to boil it, I sho nuff disinfected it...it was what I had on the 'family table' at Amma's visit to NY last year

http://www.amritapuri.org/3445/shining-example

Mata Amritananda Mayi will be in New York July 4, 5, and 6 this year.

I want to take one last look at the place and the dumpster and then I'm ready to focus elsewhere.

I have music to record, a benefit party to plan, performances with Rev Billy...

(this was my first performance with them in 2007)

...some mountains to build in lobby's...


...all on my to do list ...oh yeah a fire gig in May too.

I contacted Riz (Randy) who owns the place where I bought my fans. He wrote "You have the Samurai fans from your pictures sadly we are not making them any longer I have one set left.. I'm sorry about the fire I lost a shop once i know how hard it is to recover from it. When your ready to order fans just look on the web site if the Samurai fans are still listed that means I have not sold that last pair yet. If I have sold them seeing how you lost your fans just email me and I will custom make you a set."




What an awesome company!

http://www.firewhip.com/

... and now Andrew is awake and the cartoons are on and my brain has turned to mush :-)

This is the perfect tyme to rebuild my arsenal. If anyone is available to donate their time to video or photograph the drum circle, benefit party or fire show let me know susannahpryce@gmail.com . I also plan to continue painting. If any one would like to donate black canvas, black mat boards, and white oil paint email me at susannahpryce@gmail.com .

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Thanks for being here.

Thank you! !Gracias! Merci! Arigahto! Geenkooya! Spahceebah! Obrigado! Madlobt! Grazie!תודה! धन्यवाद! Danke! אַ דאַנק! Salamat! Dank u! Köszönöm! Mulţumesc! Tack! спасибі! teşekkür ederim! คุณขอบคุณ! go raibh maith agat! σας ευχαριστώ! Hvala vam! děkuji! Tak!
~S~

P.S. I wrote this three days ago. Since then I've seen the dumpster. There's no saving anything. The demolition of the house itself has begun so there is about four feet of wood on top of whatever stuff I had left. I saw five doors and lots-o-wall. What ever I had that was salvageable is buried for good.